Selfish is a Virtue.

I was very selfish when I chose my profession. I teach college students how to find and evaluate information sources so that they can decide for themselves what is their “truth.” I don’t want them to believe everything they hear, because I’m selfish. The more they know, the more they’ll care, and they will be the ones in charge all too soon….

Very funny.  To me at least. The thing is, I think the completely opposite way!! I see that you are being sarcastic in a sense…but overall I just really feel that if EVERYONE thought of the other person more than themselves…what a wonderful world this would be. 

And it is true what you said about mothers, but for some reason nature has wired us to be this way….I think even if I “want” to be more “selfish” I just can’t bring it to fruition because some way or another, I just get right back to putting my child or my family before “me”.  However, if others would be less selfish, I would be forced into subsmission, I believe.  The thing is, most other people are too busy being selfish themselves. 

Thanks for the post!!

Nicole

I always tell my clients that it’s impossible to truly give from an empty receptacle. Us being the receptacle, of course. So, in that light, It’s actually selfish NOT to put yourself first. Because if you don’t do the things that fill you up and give you what you need, then you have nothing to give others. And, conversely, the more you fill yourself up - to the point of overflowing - then the amount you have to give others is so huge it can’t contain itself.

In reality, I think it all comes down to intention. Are your intentions to lift yourself to a higher level/vibration so you can share that with others for their highest good? Or, are your intentions to get more so you can squash the other guy?

Being a mom definitely brings in different dynamics. One of the things my spiritually conscious mom friends talk about is the example they’re setting for their children. Are they teaching them (by their own actions) that they deserve to love and care for themselves and, in turn, love others? Or, are their actions unconsciously teaching them that they are less than others and that their needs must always come after others? Now that’s a tough one!

Thanks for a great post, Wil!

Thank you Wil for being selfish in healthy, appropriate ways! I was not so selfishly wise in my earlier years, but I have come to see clearly that God must come first in my life (mindfulness, intuition, insight), then me, specifically maintain good health so I can continue to help others.

Just last week, one of my ‘street person’ clients brought to me a long, long list of her challenges: finding a safe bush to sleep under at night, health needs for her cat. The care for her sick cat was so expensive she had to use her own medication money to attend to the cat’s ills, and on and on she went about obstacles she faces in taking care of her cat. Never once did she focus on her own needs and by her physical condition her needs are plenty.

The woman is in her late sixties. She pulls a truck-dolly laden with boxes all around town, all she has in the world, and struggles moment-to-moment with worries about where the cat and she will sleep safely at night.

At every mention of her cat’s needs I counseled her on first priorties: herself, her own health, then the cat’s, but she refused to acknowledge that she be considered above her cat. It is difficult to open a person’s eyes to selfish wisdom and change for the better when stuckness is at play.

I completely understand where you are coming from, Wil, however, I think life is also about compromise and a little bit of sacrifice.  Chances are, sometimes you’re going to have to choose between your own goals/aspirations/happiness and that of someone else, possibly someone very dear to you.  I think that this is one of those things that is “easier said than done”.  I think there is a fine line between just wanting the best for your children, family etc…and completely losing sight of yourself, or your happiness, in the process.  As much as I would love to say that I have it all figured out, I am not even close!

Nancy- what you said also makes a lot of sense.  However, I think your last paragraph about motherhood could be taken two different ways….I guess in my mind, I have come to realize that the world does not revolve around me, and in fact, life is about enriching the lives of others.  But of course, that’s only my opinion. I understand that you are saying that one may not be able to contribute to others need until their own are fulfilled but I think there are different levels of this.  Obviously, I need to meet my basic needs in order to be a functioning person, obvsiously I need to care about myself and love myself.  But I also think that putting some of your personal wants on the back burner in order to help others is a crucial part of life, learning and love.  I think that the mother who has maybe stretched herself a little too thin may come across the way you portrayed, to her children, or she may just validate for her kids that you should care a great deal about the welfare of others, and be willing to make personal sacrifices for others. I think that our society and it’s obsession with personal happiness and instant gratification is really turning into a cold and ugly place.  Of course this is not directly relating to what you were saying, but just something that I think about. 

Nicole

If God is the “authentic Self,” then knowing that is the priority for me. I have begun to realize that “I” am “you,” which came from getting to know my Self….not my ego/self (know that one well enough already!)…
From those realizations, compassion and understanding arises, of not being separate from one another. This has been realized by inquiring into the True nature of “me,” a so-called person, and other so-called people…
When “I” am in touch with Being, not caught up in thought or anything else, spontaneous right action arises. Some say this by saying that consciousness recognizes itself, or one exercises compassion, or the vibration of the world is raised. It doesn’t matter how we say it. It’s about being in complete acceptance of what is…(I’m am not saying that sometimes I probably don’t do the right thing, but I don’t spend too much time thinking about that!)
Now “I” haven’t had any children, so I can’t speak about motherhood in the literal sense. I have come in contact with the natural feminine drive to care for “others,” and know that my circle of care must contain this form at the center of it.

This whole idea of intention which Nancy and many others speak of has me intrigued, and it has for months. Can we have a true intention apart from the ego? I’m not saying we can’t, and I know there is a lot of research on this, but when intentions come up, it is difficult not to find an element of “me” involved, which is not the kind of selfishness I think we are talking about. And maybe good things can still happen from certain intentions which are ego based. (?) Maybe I am limited in my worldview here (I’ll be the first to admit!), but it has to be simpler for me. Just allowing this moment and continually recognizing the true nature of “things.”

I am lucky; stuckness is less in play than it used to be here, though it does come up at times. :-) Peace!

Nice job, Wil.

Funny word, selfish.  True, there is the mother that takes care of her children before she takes care of herself.  But does that make her unselfish?  That depends.  If she gains a special joy in caring for her children…instead of herself…and that is what she chooses to do instead of something else…isn’t even that pursuit selfish on some level?

But then…if she doesn’t take care of herself…as her children can’t do it for her…she then loses the ability to help them.  Selfish now to not take care of herself.  Or instead…taking care of herself so she can then care for others, her true desire, becomes not a selfish act on her own behalf…but a selfless act on behalf of those she care more for.

Selfishness in selflessness. 

Now my head hurts.

McMahon

Nice post, Wil.  I read yesterday about how, when we perform an act of kindness, our body produces a squirt of serotonin, which produces a sort of high.  We feel really good about ourselves. 

I don’t believe we produce serotonin when we are being good to ourselves, though.  Too bad. 

Love, Bo

Hi Wil,

I found that information about getting high on kindness.  It comes from Wayne Dyer:

“The positive effect of kindness on the immune system and on the increased production of serotonin in the brain has been proven in research studies. Serotonin is a naturally occurring substance in the body that makes us feel more comfortable, peaceful, and even blissful. In fact, the role of most anti-depressants is to stimulate the production of serotonin chemically, helping to ease depression. Research has shown that a simple act of kindness directed toward another improves the functioning of the immune system and stimulates the production of serotonin in both the recipient of the kindness and the person extending the kindness. Even more amazing is that persons observing the act of kindess have similar beneficial results. Imagine this! Kindness extended, received, or observed beneficially impacts the physical health and feelings of everyone involved!”

I was eating a penguin before, and in the packets they come in, for some reason there’s always a cheesy joke on the side.This one said:

Q. Why don’t oysters give to charity?

A. Because they are shellfish

hehe, I know with wil’s liking for word ‘deviations’, he’ll appreciate it ;)

Word deviations indeed. LOL.

To me, its likely a squrit of serotonin is experienced by those of us who do nice things for ourselves, loving ourselves as its spurred on by a selfish smile.

I think i just mistakenly posted a comment about selfishness that was blank….or was it a mistake?….or was it really blank?…i feel very selfish right now and am not willing to divulge the answer to my own question

“Building new neuronets does cause an interesting headache….but one that goes away quickly…”
Wil, that is a brilliant quote! Love it.

And yeah, like most people, I was raised with a healthy dose of negative stigma attached to the word SELFISH. Selfish = always bad. Or so I thought. Listening to people like Randy Gage and reading Ayn Rand gave me a new definition. Being selfless is another way of saying ”I should be a people-pleaser and live the way others want me to because it makes them happy”.  But being selfish can mean “I need to take care of myself as best I can so I can be of better service to myself and others”.

True, there’s good selfishness and bad selfishness, but atleast now I know that.

I am too impressed to react! I think I create a permalink to my desktop to this post. Thanks!

Okay guys, I’m loving this selfish study, as I’m facing meeting my partner and working out a Separation Agreement……I have done all of my legal research….there’s lots of opportunity for me, as the stay-at-home mother of 3, with de facto(agreed sole) custody, to be selfish.  I am coming out of a relationship where much of my decisions were selfless, so it’s tempting to swing the other way.  I am attempting , not “good selfishness”  “as opposed to bad selfishness, Bry but rather…..  I’m thinking…..Self ishness rooted in Love rather than Selfishness rooted in Fear.

Be self-ish for you and for your kids.  Starting this off, Wil said, “Mothers need to be more selfish.  They take care of their kids and take care of their family, but who takes care of them?  If they’d think of themselves first, they would be able to take care of everyone else that they wish to. ”  Good advice. 

This time, being selfish will be the ultimate selfless act!

Love, Bo

Bonnie, I love the idea of being selfish rooted in love vs. selfish rooted in fear.

One of the lessons I learned in life (and am continuing to learn) is the difference between standing for yourself vs. standing against someone else.  Standing for yourself is a very self-loving place to be - and a place that allows you to be loving toward the other person even if you don’t agree with them.  It was such a relief to know I didn’t have to stand against someone else just to have a voice.

Again, Wil, thanks for starting such a wonderful post.

Wow. What a great post. I’m permalinking it too Leendert! I recall somewhere in my lifetime someone telling me that it isn’t selfishness…. it’s self-fullness.

  L
LLL
  L

Love this.  Kindness………hmmmmmmmmmm, Compassion………..hmmmm, Love….hmmmm……Time (oh no not relativity again!)……seems common sense to give to self first,  since we are God then we also are giving to God,  since we are One, we are giving to all.   Seems common sense to relate and give, to all beings these things.
“Helping” (the road to hell is paved with good intentions…) “others” is perhaps paradoxical, as we are in fact helping ourselves,  therefore helping ourselves means we are helping others.
Seeing ouselves in every living thing, everywhere  can sound selfish (ego always interprets everything, classifies and judges) ,  “ooooh,  look at that person/animal/tree/rock/snowflake/ocean/cloud……..etc.  That's me that is.
Yet is the truth of our being.  As human  being,  we are priveleged,  we can laugh/weep  ,  doing one until the other happens.  We can also live with the motto from Kingsley, “doasyouwouldbedoneby”.  Common sense to me and perhaps as someone famous once said,  “common sense is the genius of humanity”. (ooh there's one my ego likes).
Just my reply in gratitude for a stimulating seed.
And then again “i” am happy to be wrong.

Selfishness is in-built in DNA replication. Why Adenine and tryptopan etc should organise that way and replicate in a logrithmic manner? The very molecuar formation which has evolved by force princple is “selfish” this amount of self poseesion is in everyday life and it is like valency theory in Chemistry.

Hence iof human nature is not selfish there is spomething working in that body or human organs which is against the grain of life.

Why we eat? to keep the systemic process working. that is pure selfishness.Mnay DNA materials etc from plants and animals see their way into our cells.
Human cells as also socalled all living beings or animals or insects selfish.
Selfishness has circles like atmosphere I think.
1st inner circle takes care odf the very existence of life.
2nd circle maintenance function of the first circle.
3rd circle manages all artificialities and multifarious directional movements of the type of Brownian movements.ove
4th cicle goes beyond the physical sphere still keeping the very selfishness at the core.
I used to tell my children be selfish but not to an extent of conflict in economics.
All the church values against selfishness is for the poor to exchange value with the persons with wherewithal. I am not a capitalist but a bit philosophical.
Love,kindness mercy and being non-selfish are taught by the chritian fathers to preserve the Chritian legacy and community. For that matter it is in every community. I see these values are for huddling the poor because they are selfish without economics.
Anyway all of you please think on these lines and reply to me.
I

Now how's that for abundance mentality! What a great list. Thanks a bunch for sharing.

Nancy, I'm cutting and pasting your comment in case I need to be reminded…that's it and you've worded it very nicely, thanks….Much to thing about Fehu…thanks all….Peace and loving selfishness.